Spatchcocking

No, you filthy wankers, it's not what you think.

Today is the first full day of Summer and maybe when you fire up the BarBee, you might try another Chicken grilling technique besides the old beloved BeerCan method. Don't get me wrong. I think that the BeerCan method is the best thing that has happened to mankind since canned beer, but after all, variety is the spice of life.

Simply, Spatchcocking is the method used by El Pollo Loco to get a whole bird to lie flat on the grill and therefore grill more uniformly. It aint as easy as it seems, so I did a little homework and this is the short version.

Spatchcock Chicken (with adobo rub)

1 large oven-roaster chicken (about 3-4 lbs)
5-6 tbsp adobo seasoning/rub (this can either be store bought adobo – Goya brand – or you can make your own (see below)
2 tbsp olive oil

Adobo Rub
3 tbsp kosher salt
1 tbsp black pepper
1 tbsp dried oregano
1 tbsp lemon pepper
Combine dry spices in a bowl or make double/triple quantities and store in an airtight jar for later.

*Please note that adobo doesn’t necessarily have a set recipe. It has commonly recurring ingredients, but like many recetas de abuela each one is slightly different.

How to “spatch” the cock:(follow the illustrated step-by-step below)

1. Take a pair of good, strong scissors or kitchen shears. Pat your chicken dry with some kitchen paper/towels and place it breast side down on a cutting board.
2. With your scissors cut along one side of the backbone – breaking through the ribs with a satisfying “snick” – all the way through to the other end. Turn the chicken around and cut along other side of the backbone, so you’re left with the intact backbone in one hand, the scissors in the other, and a chicken with long gap in its back.
3. Now press down on the sides (ribs) of the chicken either side of the breastbone until you hear another little crunch. Feel free to slice open the membrane surrounding the breast bone and remove that too, but it’s kind of a pain and I nearly always end up savaging the breast meat by being clumsy. Anyway, what you get is a chicken that’s now mostly flat.
4. Take your scissors again and trim off the wing tips at the first joint. These tend to burn when cooked.
5. Next, make two small incisions into the flaps of skin below the breast (at the leg end) and poke the legs through these holes. This will help keep your bird flat. Be careful not to rip these holes as you do this, as you want your first spatchcock to look as good as it tastes, right?
6. Then, you’re almost ready. (see how simple this is?) Rub your bird very lightly with olive oil – do not drench it or the spices will all just slide off. Then sprinkle very liberally all over with the adobo rub, patting it on to make sure it sticks. It might look like you’ve used a lot of rub here, and you have, but some will fall off during cooking, and you’re not flavoring the chicken with anything else, so you can afford to be generous. Let your chicken sit with the rub on it, at room temperature for at least fifteen minutes before cooking.
7. Now, you need to prepare your grill. And this must be done on a grill. Okay, it can be done in the oven and turn out well, but with spring approaching you just can’t beat the al fresco cooking experience.
8. Before igniting anything, make sure your grill is clean. Remove the grate and fire up the grill – charcoal or gas, is fine. You want the grill at around 350F. If you’re using charcoal make sure you can rearrange the coals once they’re ready. And if you’re using gas, make sure you can control which burners are on or off – this is crucial to success here because the perfect spatchcock chicken is cooked using indirect heat.
9. When grill is up to temperature, rearrange charcoal (or turn burners on or off) so that you can fit a 10-inch aluminum baking pan containing about an inch of water in the middle of the grill so that it is not directly over the heat source. Replace your grate and brush with oil. Close lid of grill and allow to return to 350F – about five minutes. If you’re using gas you might have to fiddle with the temperature a little because you’ll almost certainly have to turn off at least one of the burners.
10. Anyway, when the thermometer reads 350F place your chicken breast-side up on the grill directly over the baking pan and let it cook for at least 25 minutes. All the while making sure the temperature remains at least 350F. Do not peak at the chicken. It’s doing fine by itself. Every time you even crack the lid a little you add five minutes to the cooking time!
11. Then after 25 minutes, turn your chicken over and cook for another 25 minutes. Depending on your grill you might want to power it up a bit here. You’ll know how it’s doing by how well colored the skin has become. If it’s still looking a bit pale it might either need longer at 350F or a bit more heat. We typically crank it up to a shade over 400F for the last fifteen minutes to make sure the skin gets crispy, which, apart from moist flesh, is the principal requirement of any roasted/grilled poultry.
12. When your chicken is looking golden brown or perhaps a shade or two darker, take it off the grill and tent it lightly in foil for around fifteen minutes. We rarely use our meat thermometer because it’s not accurate, but if you have one you trust, now would be a good time to give it blast. Remember, always check the bit between the breast and the thigh. Generally speaking though, if the juices in the leg are running clear at this point, you’re in a good shape.

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A Boy and His Dog

There are two kinds of people on this planet. One kind walks right by me and my dog and don't give her a second look. The other kind will invariably look at the dog and smile. I am of the second kind and I don't really care for the first kind.

Yes, I am a dog person. I like animals Cats, Horses, Birds, anything that serves as a pet, but dogs, to me, are a cut above.

The best dog that you ever had is the one that you have now.

This is my girl, Sadie. Actually Sadie Marie. Sadie is a pure bred Golden Retriever and I'll be the first admit that I'm partial to these dogs, but Goldens are really special to me. Most of them don't have a mean bone in their body and all they want to do is please their person. Sadie will sit quietly for hours and hours as long as she can see me. That's about all she wants out of life is to be with me.

She is the first girl dog that I ever had to care for. Hell she is the first girl period tha I ever had to care for. I've had two sons, two Dachshunds, two German Shepards and two Rottweillers. All macho males, boys.

The Dachunds were great, fearless little guys. Bred to go down a hole and drag out a wounded Badger. Dead or alive. A badger is nothing to trifle with. Especially a wounded one.

The Shepards, Rommel and Lancer, were magnificent creatures. Big, bold, smart and alert. Bred to protect their flock.

The Rottweillers were black death. Bred by the Romans to guard the Legion's property, they are very territorial. When they were on the job, nobody, including myself was going near their charge. They meant business, strictly business.

This Golden is a whole new experience. She is loving and sweet and I love her to death, but she sure knows how to manipulate. She knows what she wants and she knows how to get it and if you play your cards just right, she'll actually chase a rubber duck.

Your last meal

Attention, attention asteroid XR-7 is hurtling towards us and will crash into Earth in one hour. What are you going to make for your last meal? It's simple, a no-brainer, Fettuccine or Linguine with Italian Sausage and Red Sauce. That was easy now remember that this is a time critical project.

First run out to Safeway, or if you're in So. Cal., it's either Von's or Pavilion's. Get a one pound chub of the Italian Sausage. Grab a can, or jar of Spaghetti Sauce. The brand doesn't really matter as long as it's red, and get a package of pasta. I prefer Fettuccine or Linguine. The question does beg, why would anyone get Spagetti when a same-sized package of Fettuccine or Linguine costs the same amount.

First brown the sausage in a pan. This stuff is so lean there is no need to pour off whatever fat does render out.

When the sausage is browned, the tricky part comes. You must actually open the sauce container before pouring it into the pan.

Then, as Alton Brown says, step away. Just step away, you are done.

Except, obviously, you must cook the pasta.

Your patience will be rewarded. When that nasty old asteroid crashes, you will surly die with a smile on your face. Yum.

This is very reminiscent of what Marge, my mother-in-law, called Slumgollian but with an Italian bent.

What do mean that the satellite story was just some oldies radio station's promotional jive. Oh well. It was well worth the scare.

We all scream for Ice Cream

I'll own up to it. I have a sweet tooth.

Cookies, my favorites are chocolate chip and Pecan Sandies.

Cakes German Chocolate stands way out.

Pies, Pecan and Black Bottom.

And then there is Ice Cream. I have to steer way clear of any ice cream place.

Thrifty and Save-On Drugstores here in So. Cal. were the best deals around. Sadly, Save-On is gone and Thrifty is now Rite-Aid but they still have ice cream cones. Basken & Robbins is another good place to wreck your waistline.

On the road, there are a few places that I can't avoid. They are, in no particular order;

Braum's is mainly in Oklahoma and "parts of Texas, Kansas, Arkansas, and Missouri".

Culver's frozen Custard is all over the northern Mid-West. Ohio west to Minnesota. Forget the burger, get a Turtle Sunday.

Honey Hut is in the Cleveland area. Again, get a Turtle Sunday.

Handel's in the Akron area. They have "over fifty flavors". If you can possibly pair your choices down to four, which will be a real challenge. Get one of these four scoop samplers pictured here below. Four scoops is like the foot long burrito, it's just about the right amount.

Ritters in Indiana.

Mary Coyle one outlet in Akron. They are an old Italian family and have great spaghetti as well as world-class ice cream.

Chili today, hot tamali.

It is now Summertime which is a good time to fire up the Chili pot.

It would be understatement to say that I like my chili. Down through the years, I have made hundreds of batches and have cooked in four major cook-offs.
Chili is an entree, a side-dish and a condiment. If you should ever want to master the art of Chili making, a good way to start is to buy a Carol Shelby's Chili Kit. Not only does it have all of the basic ingredients right in the bag, it has printed instructions enclosed. Once you make the first batch, you should be on your way to Chili Nirvana.

Some of the things that should be learned are,

1. There is a packet of Chili Powder enclosed and contrary to conventional thinking, you really can't use too much Chili Powder. The only limitation is the salt content in the powder.

2. Shelby advises using a cheap cut of beef such as Chuck or Round and hand cutting the meat into pieces that are "the size of your little toe". You should also trim off some of the fat, some because the fat provides flavor and keeps the meat from turning into Chili flavored Jerky.

3. As you should know by now, plain old GP flour is used to thicken gravy. To thicken the Chili, Shelby provides a packet of Masa Harina in the kit. Masa Harina is the flour that is used to make

corn tortillas and imparts a better Tex/Mex flavor then GP wheat flour.
4. There is also a small packet of Cayenne Pepper enclosed in the kit. I find the whole packet to be too much Cayenne so I found, through trial & error, that half a packet is about right for this Cleveland boy. You should now be ready to castoff your chili training wheels and go where the bold cooks go and become a citizen of the Chili Nation.
One last thing, chili should be hot and spicy. Spicy, by all means, yes. Hot, yes, but not too hot. After shoveling a spoonful into your face the stuff should be hot and spicy enough to make a swig of cold beer your next thought. But not so hot that fire blows out of your ears.

Cornbread

I think that a really good accompaniment for Chili is cornbread. The best cornbread that I have made, so far, is made from a box of Jiffy Corn Muffin mix. I follow the directions on the box with the following exceptions.
1. I don't use any liquid, at all. Instead, I use a can of cream-style corn. Add most of the corn and mix it in. Don't put the whole can in at first, you don't want the batter too soupy. You may well use it all but the liquid varies from can to can and brand to brand.
2. I add half of a small can of Diced Green Chilies. A whole can could work, but start with a half can for starters.

Oh yah. Don't forget the beer. Good beer. Mexican is apropos. Budweiser is not.
ABB.

Bye bye Merc

I heard on the radio yesterday that Ford is discontinuing the Mercury line of cars. This got me to thinking about all of the various auto manufacturers that have folded in my lifetime. Edsel, Nash, Hudson Kaiser, Fraser, Henry J, Studebaker, Packard, AMC, Crossly, Muntz, Plymouth, DeSoto, Pontiac, Oldsmobile, Saturn, Hummer and Checker come quickly to mind. I'm sure that I have forgotten a few.
Now if you are under forty, you probably don't recognize hardly any of these names as car brands. Some of these such as Studebaker and Packard were very good cars and some others are frankly best left on the dust heap of history.
Edsel for instance, like Mercury, was nothing more than a re-badged Ford. No better and no worse than any other contemporary Ford that was made at that time.
Nash and Hudson were OK car lines that merged into American Motors Corp. The AMC cars were about the same as their Nash and Hudson predecessors.
Crossly was unique. It was a very compact car built in the late forties and early fifty's. Besides being compact, Crossly's had four cylinder engines with overhead cams and disk brakes. These features were, at least, fifteen years ahead of their time. They were built, along with Crossly's line of home appliances, in Cincinnati.
Checker automobiles were built in Kenosha Wisconsin, and as their name implies, for the taxicab industry. They were big, very roomy inside and were tough. They could take the abuse of a Cuban middleweight.
Why are they all gone? That's a good question. It was said that the cost of American labor closed down the smaller builders and moved some of the big guys off-shore to Mexico and beyond. I say that's bullshit. Mercedes. BMW and Volvo now build some cars in the USA. As do Honda, Toyota and Nissan. Even Hyundai and the lowly KIA are built here. What gives?