Your last meal

Attention, attention asteroid XR-7 is hurtling towards us and will crash into Earth in one hour. What are you going to make for your last meal? It's simple, a no-brainer, Fettuccine or Linguine with Italian Sausage and Red Sauce. That was easy now remember that this is a time critical project.

First run out to Safeway, or if you're in So. Cal., it's either Von's or Pavilion's. Get a one pound chub of the Italian Sausage. Grab a can, or jar of Spaghetti Sauce. The brand doesn't really matter as long as it's red, and get a package of pasta. I prefer Fettuccine or Linguine. The question does beg, why would anyone get Spagetti when a same-sized package of Fettuccine or Linguine costs the same amount.

First brown the sausage in a pan. This stuff is so lean there is no need to pour off whatever fat does render out.

When the sausage is browned, the tricky part comes. You must actually open the sauce container before pouring it into the pan.

Then, as Alton Brown says, step away. Just step away, you are done.

Except, obviously, you must cook the pasta.

Your patience will be rewarded. When that nasty old asteroid crashes, you will surly die with a smile on your face. Yum.

This is very reminiscent of what Marge, my mother-in-law, called Slumgollian but with an Italian bent.

What do mean that the satellite story was just some oldies radio station's promotional jive. Oh well. It was well worth the scare.